Routine to Romance
5 Ways to Rekindle Your Relationship
hit the refresh button and reignite your connection
Ask a crowded room “Who wants to be lonely?” and you’ll hear crickets.
Let’s face it: everyone wants to feel loved, accepted, and connected. Yet loneliness is making its way into relationships everywhere. So, how do we dodge this emotional epidemic and keep the love alive?
The truth is, every relationship goes through seasons. We’ve all been there – life gets busy and connection suffers. Your daily routine feels robotic. It starts with a routine “good morning,” a quick peck goodbye, followed by a nightly ritual of zoning out in front of the TV or some late night scrolling. You and your partner are physically together, but emotionally? Crickets. Feeling like roommates instead of soulmates? It happens! But fear not, your relationship isn’t doomed. You simply need to hit refresh and try these strategies to reignite your connection.
Here are 5 fun and effective ways to liven up your relationship and roll into the holiday’s more connected than ever.
1. Commit to the 6 second 💋
Kiss and Hug!
We’re not talking about the routine peck on your way in or out. That won’t work. Instead engage in a 30-day experiment. Challenge your partner to a kissing or hugging ritual for 30 days. Research proves if you kiss for at least 6 seconds or hug for 20 seconds both trigger the release of oxytocin, which creates bonding and increases feelings of trust for each other.
2. Express Gratitude
Please and Thank you!
Kind and uplifting comments add to your relationship’s emotional bank account. Using “please” and “thank you” will build trust and understanding. These two simple yet powerful gestures will also make your partner feel valued, seen, and heard, which leads to improved connection and intimacy.
Commit to saying “please” and “thank you” throughout the day for things you tend to take for granted. A simple “Thank you for always having coffee ready in the morning” can go a long way. “Will you please grab the dry cleaning on your way home tonight” vs. “Don’t forget to grab the dry cleaning on your way home” expresses appreciation vs. doubt.
This is especially important with tasks, errands and daily duties that become normalized and routine. We all like to be appreciated for the small and consistent gestures we offer to make our lives twogether run more smoothly.
3. Check-in weekly
Relationship Check-ins!
In the routine of life, couples can get really good at mastering a long, infinite, to-do list and not encountering each other. On average most couples talk for a mere 35 minutes a week. And here’s the kicker, those 35 minutes are NOT about the relationship, the conversation is mostly about errands.
Be intentional. Block 60-minutes for emotional and relational check-ins. Make it a weekly date, put your phones away and DO NOT talk shop. Instead, ask thoughtful questions and/or identify a topic for each date. Consider doing a relationship check-in, discuss what is working and what needs a refresh. Or simply commit to having meaningful conversations about your feelings, dreams, and challenges.
Be sure to do more than discuss! If you decide on a relationship refresh then commit to shifting, pivoting and changing. And if either of you fall short, be sure to extend grace, change is hard. Support each other with truth AND kindness. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and do not say it mean!
4. Pause first
Press Pause!
Comfort in any relationship is a blessing and a curse. Comfort can lead to IMMEDIATELY reacting to your emotional triggers and sensitive and conflictual issues. But being overly reactive can also lead to saying and doing things in haste that you’ll later regret.
Instead of reacting and saying something you may regret, PAUSE and take a minute or say, “I need a minute.” And MOVE, take a 90-second break, breathe deep and think before you speak. Allow the emotion to MOVE through you so you can more thoughtfully digest and consider the information instead of reacting emotionally.
And before you respond, ask yourself three questions:
- Does this need to be said?
- Does this need to be said by me?
- Does this need to be said by me now?
Pausing gives you time to reset. And chances are, you’ll discover that your need for immediacy can wait until you have had time to craft a thoughtful response. And sometimes you’ll discover you don’t need to respond at all.
5. Create boundaries
Consider A Professional!
Life is busy and people are messy. And some of us are busier and messier than others. When life becomes really challenging, it’s both convenient and normal to go to your partner with your biggest challenges. Yet, most of us are not qualified to serve as professional coaches, counselors or therapists to each other.
If you tend to go to your partner as a therapist, DON’T. It’s not healthy and it’s selfish.
Instead, consider individual or couples coaching, counseling or therapy. You’ll gain access to a treasure chest of tools for personal improvement and relational success. Professionals provide a safe space and will serve as trained and neutral sounding boards. They’re far more equipped and qualified to offer skills for helping you process your emotions and communicate more effectively. They can also provide proven and powerful strategies for changing behaviors and setting boundaries.
Setting clear boundaries on what you process with each other vs. process with a trained professional can pave the way for improvements in your overall wellbeing. Studies suggest, 70-90% of couples find couples therapy beneficial. And approximately two-thirds report an improvement in their physical and emotional well-being.
Building a loving, long-term relationship takes work and commitment, but it doesn’t have to feel like a chore. By gradually introducing these practices into your daily life, you can create a thriving, joyful partnership.
If you want to be added to our list of couples interested in attending our Couples Adventure Retreats (Summer 2025) reach out today (jackie@freibergs.com), space is limited. Check out our You Tube channel for more on how you’ll play together and gain priceless tools and strategies for growing stronger Twogether.
So, grab your partner and get ready to reignite the magic!
Check your inbox for 5 more strategies in the weeks ahead…