The quality of your conversations will determine the quality of your relationship.

The good news is you’re here. But the reality of isn’t so good…

Sadly, most couples spend on average 37 minutes talking and it’s not 37 minutes each day or every week. The data shows the average couple spends only 37 minutes a month, yes, jaw drop, a month talking and it gets worse. Most of the conversation is about chores, kids and work, conversations that are far from fulfilling and enriching.

If anything, these kinds of conversations create more stress, tension and pressure in the relationship.

So what can you do to change? Schedule a date night, a recent study conducted by Tawify, suggests Tuesday evenings are most favorable for enriching conversations and favorable outcomes. Saturday lunch dates come in second.

You may be wondering, why Tuesday? Perhaps because most people expect romance on a Saturday night, which can lead to higher pressure and expectations. High expectations often lead to disenchantment… let down.

So grab your partner, block Tuesday evening, and use your time together to discuss you, not kids, not work, not chores.

Use the time to re-engage and talk about your life and future together. What we’ve learned in life, personally and professionally is, the quality of your conversations will determine the quality of your relationships and your life. There is significant research that proves the number one factor in living long and well is quality relationships, period.

One caveat:

Life is seasonal.

Lean into your conversations knowing where you both are in life’s seasons. Each seasons has its own set of metaphorical qualities.

Spring is associated with life and new growth;
Summer is related to nice weather and easy living;
Fall or autumn is associated with life becoming full perhaps more difficult and nearing an end;
Winter is metaphorically very challenging and symbolizes the end of different things.

And unless you live in Southern California the seasons come and go. Consider them temporary. Tough seasons will pass and are likely to pass more comfortably when experienced with people who love and support us through them.

Be curious, be interested.

Regardless of how long (or short) you’ve been together, it is never too late or too early to recharge, refresh and re-imagine your relationships. One of the best places to start is through conversation.

Here’s a year’s worth of conversation starters to refresh your relationship and enrich your connection.

Dreams and Goals

In this season of your life:

  • What are your dreams?
  • What needs to happen to realize your dream(s)?
  • What are your potential road blocks?
  • What scares you the most about realizing your dream?
  • What is one of your biggest passions?
  • What is your superpower?

Think local and dream bold… How might you use your passion and superpower(s) to solve a problem that matters (it does not have to be a global problem. Start close, how can you use your passion and superpower to serve your inner circle?

What are your short term goals?
What is your timeline?
What kind of support do you need?

Fear and Wonder

Fear… Name your fears to tame and embrace your fears.

What are you most afraid of in this season of your life?
Where does the fear(s) come from?
What can you personally do to face and embrace your fear?

Step toward it vs avoiding it.

Is there training, coaching, clergy, therapy, podcasts, books or associations, you can engage with to face and embrace your fear?
What kind of support do you need?
What kind of support is NOT helpful?


What action or conversation can you engage in now that will benefit your future self?
Do you fear the action or conversation?
If so, unpack why?

In this season of your life, what are you most curious about?
Why is this important and what can you do to learn more?
What are you really looking forward to in your future?
How can you ready yourself for it?
What kind of support do you need?

Care and Connection

Share your language of love, discuss how you most naturally show love?
Is it, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation/appreciation… or other?
Growing up, how did your family express love?

Share the gifts and gaps you have as a result of growing up in your family and discuss the impact those gifts/gaps have in your relationship.

What gifts do you expect your partner to show? Don’t assume, hit, hope or expect, discuss…
What gaps are you expecting your partner to fill?

Again, don’t assume, hit, hope or expect. Discuss.

What makes you feel loved, seen, understand and accepted?
What causes you to withdraw, retreat?

Time and Money

What percentage of your day is doing what you have to do vs what you want to do?
Is this a season? What can you do to assure it is temporary?

Do you have enough quality time with the people you love the most?
What does quality time with loved ones look like?
What needs to change and how can you re-work your schedule to gain more quality time?
Who can help/support you in creating this shift? What commitments are you willing to make?

Are you a saver or a spender? How is this working for you?
How did you experience money growing up (was it invisible, scarce, or did it seem to grow on a tree in the backyard, abundant and easy to come by?
How do your childhood experiences influence your feelings about money today?
Are there similarities or differences in how you and your partner feel/think about money?
Do the similarities or differences create confusion, conflict or compatibility?

What would you like to do to become more money wise?
What can you do individually and together to support each other in growing your financial strength & security?
Who do you need to talk with, what do you need to do, and how can you divide and concur?

Fun and Adventure

What makes you really happy in this season of your life?
Are there any simple pleasures you’d like to make more time for?

What are your top 3 hobbies?
What are your 3 favorite recreations/fun activities?
What are the 2-3 big adventures you’d like to do this year?

How can we add more fun to our lives together?
How do you define adventure?

Discuss your adventure compatibility. If one of you is an adrenaline junkie and the other is not, fear not, you do not have to do all adventures together.

The important issue is do not tame a wild heart, you will kill the soul. It is okay to do some fun and tame adventures together and others part.

Just be sure to wholeheartedly support each other in your individual pursuits.

How can we add more adventures to our lives… together and individually?

Spirituality and Faith

Discuss your spiritual journey in life to date.
Did you grow up going the church or not?
How has that impacted your belief and faith today?

How do you currently practice your faith, do you have daily/weekly rituals?
What do you think drives your faith or lack of ?
Have you ever experienced any miracles or had any spiritual encounters?

Have you ever experienced any spiritual abuse that you can remember?
Are you interested in exploring and growing spiritually?
If so, what does that look like? If not, why not?

Explore reading a book together to gain more connection in your faith.

Attend a faith-based service either in-person or online together.

Listen to a faith-based podcast and debrief lessons, insights and questions.

Learn more about meditation and its value in your lives.

Research shows 7-minute a day of meditation can redirect your mood and guide you toward a better self.

A healthy relationship is NOT just about finding the right person. A healthy and enriching relationship is also about being the right person. Relationships grow when BOTH partners are growing and improving.

Check out Jay Shetty Daily Calm app, very simple, doable and powerful.

These are some of the conversations we unpack during our couples retreats.

At our retreats we give more than conversation starters, each morning we discuss the importance of these conversations for a healthy and fulfilling life together.

 Couple goes home with a workbook that guides them through 6 months of valuable conversations to improve the quality of their relationship.

Our retreats are not therapy sessions, they are for couples who are starters, seasoned or perhaps stuck/stalled and want to build an intentional and enriching life together.

Join us Aug 10-14, 2023, the mountains are majestic and the setting offers a refreshing, romantic and adventurous get-away.