The growing pandemic, ongoing civil unrest and the divisiveness of an election year are creating seismic shifts in our political, professional and personal mindsets. Many of us are feeling disheartened, isolated, confused, panicked and out of control. The emotional, physical and psychological toll on people is mounting and is evidenced by a significant rise in the use of employee assistance hotlines and telehealth.

While so many are calling for systemic change, the question becomes where does that change begin? In the hearts and expressions of each one of us. In a practice called Empathy.

Empathy, it’s not expensive, it’s not rocket science, it’s not political, it’s not faith-based, it’s not shaded or jaded, it’s not biased or privileged. It’s simply kind!

Empathy looks at reality and doesn’t put on a pair of rose-colored glasses. Empathy forms a bridge, heart to heart, that broadcasts verbally and nonverbal. Empathy says, “I’m here, our circumstances may be different, but I want to understand and be in this with you.”

Our organizations, families, communities and political systems need more courageous leaders who spread EMPATHY by listening, learning, connecting, collaborating and supporting, especially when it’s difficult and uncomfortable.

Courage is having the guts to own what we are experiencing.

Vulnerability is daring to share what we are experiencing— the good, risky, uncomfortable and even emotionally jarring.

Courageous Leadership is stepping into the arena by leaning into and embracing what’s risky, uncomfortable and emotionally jarring – not ignoring, avoiding or candy coating it.

Empathy is an act of courage that requires us to be vulnerable by stepping outside our comfort zone and into the awkward, risky, uncomfortable zone of another.

We show empathy by listening, connecting, supporting and “figuratively” stepping into what others are experiencing, yes… especially the uncomfortable and emotionally jarring without trying to FIX, apologize, soften or minimize the discomfort.

Yet, be warned, empathy is often confused with sympathy. Empathy is NOT sympathy or trying to offer a silver lining to difficult issues to minimize them and make the difficult less hard. And the difference is far greater than just a few letters. Sympathy rushes in to fix things, take the hurt away, marginalize it or cheer people up—it’s like telling the person who has lost hope, direction, income, “Hey, this will pass, look at the brighter side, at least you still have your health or at least you still have your marriage.”

The big distinction:

• Empathy fuels connection
• Sympathy fuels disconnection

People respond to sincerity…especially when it’s hard. And people know the difference between genuine caring and empathy, and being placated by sympathy.

Yet, be warned, empathy is often confused with sympathy. Empathy is NOT sympathy or trying to offer a silver lining to difficult issues to minimize them and make the difficult less hard.  And the difference is far greater than just a few letters. Sympathy rushes in to fix things, take the hurt away, marginalize it or cheer people up—it’s like telling the person who has lost hope, direction, income, “Hey, this will pass, look at the brighter side, at least you still have your health or at least you still have your marriage.”

The big distinction:

• Empathy fuels connection
• Sympathy fuels disconnection

People respond to sincerity…especially when it’s hard. And people know the difference between genuine caring and empathy, and being placated by sympathy.

What can you do?

How you can share empathy:

• Embrace the SUCK with others—Share compassion, try to ‘figuratively” step into their discomfort; do your homework, listen and learn to understand their situation, their story.
• Lean in and try to understand their emotion (do NOT ignore or discard it).
• Be noncritical and nonjudgmental about their emotion and their handling of it.
• Instead of judgment, try to communicate their emotion back without trying to make their emotion better, trying to make it go away and
  trying to make their feelings less than something you have experienced. DO NOT say things like… “This will pass, I’ve been here before, it worked out in the end, I’m better because of it.” Instead, stay in the discomfort and offer empathy.
• Reminder, empathy is NOT about fixing or taking the emotion, panic or pain away. Empathy is about being there and giving presence. Ask, “what do you need right now?” Pause through any silence and discomfort; be there and listen to learn.

Rarely can a response FIX people, but connection can help people feel acknowledged, supported, cared about and understood. We’ve got 7 billion people on this planet. Empathy may not be a vaccine or justice for all, but it’s something every one of us can commit to and by doing so we can affect change one relationship, one family, one business, one community, one country at a time.

Time to look outside yourself and dare to try. Let’s each do our part and move the needle.